Do you ever feel like you keep bumping up against “glass ceilings” in self-love, finances, relationships, or in your career or business?

As in, the same pattern or situation keeps repeating itself or you can’t rise above a certain pay grade, status, or “catch a break?”

This blog is for you.

A psychologist named Gay Hendricks wrote a brilliant little book called The Big Leap.In it, he talks about the Upper Limit Problem—how we sabotage ourselves when we’ve reached success.

So many of us want to increase the amount of confidence we feel, love we have, money in our bank account, and opportunities that surround us. The Upper Limit Problem matters because it is the very thing that is standing in the way of all the things we desire.

According to Hendricks, each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy.

It is programed by what we think we deserve, what we believe is possible, and what we have experienced to date. Our childhood and past trauma plays a huge role in this setting as well.

When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.

We don’t do this consciously. Our brains are hardwired to try to keep us alive and safe. When we step out of our comfort zone, even if it’s rising in an incredible way, it triggers our neurological survival alarms.

A perfect example of this is lottery winners: after a few years, they almost all end up back at the same net worth or below prior to their winnings.

So now that you know what the Upper Limit Problem is, let’s talk about how you can override it and allow yourself to expand.

Step #1: Increase your ability to feel really dang good, starting right now. 

What does this mean? For starters, it means treating exactly where you are and what you have with all the love, honor and respect you can muster. And this isn’t just a mental exercise, you need to act on it.

Most of us think that when we have ________ (a thinner waist, more money, a better job, finally close on our house, go on that vacation…), then we will feel good.

The problem is that if we don’t feel content now, we are not psychologically, energetically, spiritually, emotionally, or physically available for “more.”

However, ALL of us have the capacity for positive feelings now, rather than waiting for some longed-for-event to occur.

I shift out of negative loops through a written gratitude practice. 

When I find myself wishing the moment was different than it is right now or catch myself about to start an argument about some manufactured mental drama, I stop. Take a few deep breaths. Phone a super grounded friend, if necessary.

And then I grab a pen + my journal and start to write what I’m grateful for in the present moment:

• everyone in my life who I love and has taken the time to call, message, or love on me
• every penny I have in my bank account
• the physical environment around me (most notably the fact that I’m not homeless or starving)
• every client who has entrusted me with their soul work
• purrs from my kitten, kisses from my husband… literally anything that sparks joy.

I keep writing until I feel the irritation, trigger, or tension dissolve. Sometimes this takes sentences. Other days it takes pages.

Step #2: Be willing to get uncomfortable.

Expanding can be super scary. We may find that we want to pull back and contract. I almost always feel like Bambi on ice when I’m stepping into new spaces.

Resistance usually shows up in the form of rationalizing, inspiring fear and anxiety, emphasizing other distractions that require attention, raising the voice of the inner critic, or manufacturing false stories.

This is where the deep work of coaching, yoga, and meditation comes in. When we identify with those mental fluctuations, we can’t overcome them.

However, when we practice leaning in, hanging out with the discomfort, and observing without judgement, shame, expectation, or attachment, we realize we have a choice over what we entertain.

Here’s a meditation to help you exit those fight or flight states and, instead, cozy up in the brain waves that support calm, clarity, better sleep, more energy, better decision-making, and more groundedness.

You can also find a plethora of free meditations on Insight Timer (my favorite meditation app!)

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Cheers to becoming more fully YOU!

Xoxo

Morgan